Time to Shade Up!

Now it goes without saying it’s hot! I mean hotter that a mad tomcat in a pepper patch… you know what I mean it’s miserable. So hot that you can bake a batch of biscuits in a Dutch oven without coals. In fact, I saw red ants toting a water can of mine off just the other day. My gosh I have about had enough. I hope you’re happy Al Gore! The hell with Global warming- it’s a Global furnace here in the promise land next to ole Bertha. That ole stove of mine likes hot but even she is getting tired of never cooling off.

Ponds are drying up and fish are commuting to different pools in the neighborhood. I found three in our pool last week and they were covered with ticks it’s so dry here. There is nothing to cool you off, its 85 when I wake up around 5:30 of a morning.

I may apply for the Walmart greeter job, at least they’re in the cool.  Or maybe I get me a weatherman job- anybody can predict this forcast all you have to say is it’s hot, dry and windy and it’s going to stay this way until it rains or cools off.

Everything around this ole wagon is hot even before you build a fire, I have burnt my fingers off to the nubs just trying to pick something up and then remembering its hot! Now don’t get me wrong I will continue to cook in this miserable weather cause I hung my shingle out along time ago and it didn’t have no clause in their about not cooking when it’s hot.

I told that bride to be of mine it don’t take too much smarts to stand by a fire and cook, but my gosh even a red ant and a black cow will find shade. I am ready for the shade and a cool drink of north wind and maybe even some blowing snow. It looks like fall of the year here with everything brown and crispy.  It sounds like you’re walking on a big bowl of rice krispy ceral when you take off across the yard, and someone forgot to pour the milk. The grasshoppers are so thick that they eat the first thing green they can find they are even trying to eat the green paint of off the john deer tractor.

But on the bright side, this would be a good time for a frog jumping contest if you could find some. You know a bullfrog will jump along way on the hot sidewalk in this kind of weather, but you would too if you were sitting bare butted on the hot concrete. Kind of like trying to walk a short distance barefooted on the sidewalk to get something out of the pickup- reminds me of watching the olympic trials for the triple jump!

This too will pass, just like gas after after a bowl of good ole pinto beans. But maybe not quite as quick and with less oder. It will rain eventually and it will cool off surley by Christmas. The wood will get wet again and the north winds of winter will return. Ole Bertah will feel good on a cold morning and shade won’t be so precious in January. So cool off when you can and remember to shade up when the red ants den up. As they say, check on the elderly and water them pets. But stand guard when you do cause they might get stampeded by a a school of catfish looking for a drink.

Strap on the sunglasses and break out the suntan oil- it’s time to party! Just a word of wisdom from prior experience’s… don’t cook by ole Bertha in your speedo!

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