Transportation or Transformation?

airplaneThere are many forms of transportation: driving, flying, biking, boating and don’t forget the ever popular skateboarding. Now I am a simple feller and I like simple ways. There’s nothing more relaxing to me than to hook up to a good team to a wagon and head down the trail. But traveling around the country and hauling that old wagon and Bertha can make me rethink the sit-uation.

My butt has seen its fair share of pick-up seats, wagon seats and  those spacious accommodations on airplanes.  I know that flying is far quicker than driving butt, and I do mean butt, they can pack more people on an airplane than we can stack firewood in a boxcar. I guess they haven’t thought of standing folks up and strapping them in like fence posts at the hardware store. Think about how many more people they could squeeze and your butt wouldn’t be sore anymore!

And let’s be sure not to crowd those folks up there in first class – they need their privacy and space. Heck, instead of a curtain why don’t they put in a cattle guard to keep out the coach riff raff. And by all means let’s give them free stuff why us meager little people pay an arm or a leg for a pack of peanuts a squirrel could haul in one cheek.

The airlines have this travel business figured to a science – let’s serve them free salty peanuts 30 minutes before they can get a drink, so by the time we get to them they’re so parched they will gladly pay for an $8 beer. At eight bucks a pop, it’s cheaper to carry on an ice chest and have a pass around pack.

The problem is that we can’t really protest any of these inadequacies because not only are we strapped into the little preschool seats, but the circulation is cut off to our legs so we can’t really stage a mutiny. And it’s not like we can get up and leave at 30,000 feet.

It is a proven fact that people who fly for long periods of time tend to be more irritable, less likely to smile and even walk with a permanent limp. Thus the transformation has taken place! I’ve had people that didn’t even recognize me after long flights, “I thought you were taller,” or “When did you get that bum leg?”

I will continue to fly on an occasion and I will still complain and limp afterwards. So don’t judge me by first appearance give me about an hour to let the blood flow get back to all my working parts. I will once again become cheerful and might even smile. Shannon’s always complaining about being short well this is one time she sure has the advantage, Her feet don’t even touch the floor.

So as your summer travel plans start coming around remember this advice:  You saddled this horse and you might get bucked, bruised and berated during your ride. But there’s always an end in sight, so get yourself one of those doughnut pillows for your butt and a massage appointment at your final destination.

Happy travels, folks!






9 thoughts on “Transportation or Transformation?

  1. That’s just plane wrong about the beer and peanuts thang. :) Great article, now I’ll never fly for sure!!

  2. All so true. My husband and I will be driving cross country in the pickup when we get the chance to attend your Dutch Oven Cooking School. Really looking forward to your new cookbook. I use your seasonings on something almost every meal. I will need to buy more soon. Thank you for the smile today.

  3. That’s the foremost reason I prefer to drive our own vehicle on trips.

    We’ve made many trips back home to OK in either a car or a pickup truck. For us, it’s the only way to travel. Since we’re both retired, time is very flexible.

    Another entertaining article Kent

    Thanks amigo mio.

  4. Providing salty foods so folks will buy beverages goes way back. Out on the frontier, in mining and logging towns, astute barkeeps set sardines, pickles, and salted-in-the-shell peanuts out on the bar for patrons to enjoy. You know the rest of the story.

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